This morning, I started writing about marriage. A bit later, I deviated and picked a different topic on parenting from my drafts.
Last week, I had soaked enough in self-reflection. So, I was determined it will not be another article about an experience that involves only me and the lessons learned.
How about the fear of ageing? Oh, wait. That would be me again.
My left brain stops to warn me: You have not much time left to keep switching contexts.
It is Sunday, and I got time only until my son wakes up and my daughter goes into her painting class. That will be precisely 18 minutes of uninterrupted time, I calculate.
Of course, not counting the interference from the TV or my husband. Not including the occasional chores about trying his new coffee or cutting an apple without a peeler.
How about a story on “embracing the difficult changes in life?” the reluctant mind keeps popping up new ideas. Or maybe, subconsciously presenting my current situation.
Alright, just 8 more minutes left, my watch reminded me.
Would the readers like it? My right brain prompted.
What better way to find than ask them?! I wondered.
My dear lovely readers, this post is about finding what you love to read from me. Even better, linking a story from me, you enjoyed the best.
Life is different when we know we are beautiful. Even better, when we find what makes us uniquely attractive.
As a teenager, I was delighted to move around in my high heels shoes of six inches. Pulling the abs in, I deliberately walked with one leg in front of the other in an upright position like a cat woman. The walk ignited my confidence, and I felt at the top of the world.
One fine evening, the excruciating pain in my heels radiated up until the lower back leaving me immobile for the rest of the day. The only sane thing I could do was ditch the high-heels dreams to save my legs.
My heart broke for the first time when the only source of confidence was snatched away from me, crippling my self-esteem.
Life is full of alternatives but no choice -Patrick White.
My choices differentiate me from the rest!
When high-heels became out of reach, I chose wedges 🤪
After the high heels episode, I was able to regain my confidence by connecting with people. It was easy for me to become friends with almost everyone I met. Even with those, I have not met once.
I used to dismiss my inborn qualities [being nice, catering to the audience, reading between the lines, listening intuitively] as people skills.
Until a few years back, a close friend wrote to me saying, “You are the only person in the world, with whom I can be myself. You make me express my feelings without inhibitions.”
This was my holy grail!
I recognised my ability to fulfil the inherent need of self and others to feel loved, belonged and trusted. I have always been an advocate of authenticity. Being comfortable in our own skin.
Sparking meaningful conversations is the secret behind my unbreakable bonds of friendships.
They told you that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. What they failed to tell you is that it is best seen with the eyes closed. what you look like is not important. What is important is who you are inside and the choices you are making in your life -Tiana Tozer.
Nothing unlocks beauty like self-reflection
It was amusing to find an interesting pattern in my approach during my most scary moments. I always dared to do the unexpected.
Scenario 1:
Several years back, I upset the management in my newly joined company by expressing my concern about my role mismatch. I managed to bruise their ego in the process.
They wanted to get rid of me by blaming my performance. I took on the challenge to prove my worth through my work.
In the following month, I worked on a mini-project and developed an automation tool single-handedly. I felt accomplished and was thrilled to see the outcome!
Shortly after my work submission, I received an email from my boss rating my work as poor. I felt broken. How could a manager demoralise someone despite the good work?
That night, I refused to cry because I knew it deep inside, I gave my best. This was someone abusing his power to belittle me, I reminded myself.
I felt nothing but shameful walking into the office the next day. The endless loop of the same question, “what did I do to deserve this treatment?” bothered me. I needed the answer right then and there.
I went to my Manager’s office and asked to have a 1:1 conversation with him. He nodded his head.
I told him right away, “Hey, let’s forget you are my boss, and I am in your team for a moment. Can we have an honest human-to-human conversation?”
He agreed.
Me: “what is the problem you see in me?”
Soaked in disbelief, he responded: “Nothing.”
Me: “What do you really think about my work?”
Him: “I think your work is good. I had some personal issues and was not in the right mood to rate it. I am sorry about it. I am afraid fixing this now will make my boss question my credibility. I don’t know what to do.”
I felt so relieved and happy. The answer regained my hope in humanity.
He could have argued mindlessly or continued playing the blame game. But he chose to tell the truth. And I respected that!
I thanked him and moved to a different project.
After all, life is full of alternatives, right?!
Scenario 2:
A decade ago, my then-boyfriend[now husband] felt low over his parents saying “NO” to our marriage.
The issue was unsettled with so much drama with every passing day.
One evening, as we were conversing on the phone, I promised to be there for him. Before he realised what I meant, I was out his door ringing the bell.
He was in absolute shock, so were his parents. I told them I came to clarify their questions in person, and I did. It was only the beginning.
They are now stuck with my brutal honesty forever! 🤩
Situations like these enable me to evolve as a braver person. I feel confident solving real-life problems without being limited by the theory of consequences!
Encountering my worst fears face-to-face makes me feel beautiful.
It gives me the confidence to walk high without the 6-inch heels.
There is always light. If only we are brave enough to see it. If only we’re brave enough to be it -Amanda Gorman.
What is your hidden beauty? Please share it in the comments.
“Happy the man, and happy he alone, he who can call today his own: he who, secure within, can say, Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today” -Horace.
The quote is a beautiful reminder that owning our life in the present is enough to face anything that may await us tomorrow.
I used to ponder so deep about:
Where does the happy man get his confidence from?
How dare he challenge fate to bring the worst?
What makes him feel so secure from within?
Until one day, I became the happy one and found my answers!
A few steps from my journey of becoming
When man plans, God laughs.
He must have been tired of laughing non-stop at me, those 18 months.
On my daughter’s 3rd birthday, I tested positive for my second pregnancy. How sweet, I thought!God smiled at me.
This pregnancy will be a cakewalk as I am fitter than ever, I proudly announced to my husband.
God chuckled at my test results. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes one more time.
In addition to pricking my fingers four times a day, I injected insulin on my pregnant tummy for the entire third trimester. I walked for two hours every day to ensure a natural birth. I couldn’t wait for the baby to come out. God pranked me with a c-section on the exact due date.
When the baby arrived, I thought the play had ended. God giggled at my sigh of relief.
In the next 6 months that followed, my life was made of nothing but “IFs” and “BUTs” and He ensured I did not miss a single loop in the chain of worst-case scenarios.
It all began 3 weeks after my son was born. While feeding the newborn, I got the shocking news, my work visa was denied. I re-read the mail a hundred times to confirm. The company lawyers filed an appeal to reconsider my case.
For starters, it meant I had to vacate the foreign country ASAP without anything I had built over 7 years in a blink of an eye. My husband and kids were good to stay. It was just my visa that was rejected during the renewal process.
My husband’s visa had an additional complication: If he travelled outside the country, he needed a visa stamping to re-enter. With all the new changes in the visa process, his chance to get a visa was slim.
All our non-immigrant friends advised leaving behind my husband and travelling with kids and my mother-in-law.
I had not even fully recovered from the childbirth yet. I desperately needed my husband to travel with us. The clueless mind in the postpartum body struggled to decide against compromising life values over the fear of visa rejection.
I refused to choose between separating the newly formed family for the sake of a visa. Isn’t the answer obvious? My heart repelled.
I felt trapped by my circumstance. Although my mind was well aware of the irreversible consequences awaiting downhill, my fierce heart refused to surrender to fate.
It felt good to imagine crushing the unknown fears to its last piece. A force rushed inside me reclaiming power over my situation. I was the only one in my control when everything else was out of whack.
My conscience continued to warn: What if everything fails?
My heart casually replied:I would still have a story to tell.
My husband agreed to do whatever I wanted. We booked tickets for the whole family to our home country. God grinned at my grit.
On the day of my husband’s visa interview: Spotting his face from a distance, I knew it didn’t go well. His application was put on administrative processing, which means it will take a few more weeks to make a final decision on his case.
He looked at me helplessly, and I reassured him, “We still have a chance. At least, it was not a flat out rejection.” God smirked at me and continued to test my valiance further.
The following week, my husband’s employer informed him that his job was at stake if he didn’t return sooner.
My application for the visa appeal was rejected.
We were not only homeless but borderline jobless with two kids.
I felt everything around me was going wrong. I had given it all of me. There was nothing else I could do anymore. The downward spiral was bestowed upon me.
In that hopeless moment, my heart was reminded: “When everything fails, it is a sign that the higher power is in action.”
It was so right. I recollected similar incidents from my past.
I got back up and looked above with a playful smile.
If there was one thing that kept me moving through the never-ending tragic tunnel, it was the positive energy that was constantly flowing within me!
From the seed of positivity, my hope sprouted and revived my confidence. With newfound courage, this time, I laughed along with God.
What happened in the following weeks left every one of us in disbelief. It was nothing short of amazing.
My husband got his visa and flew back right away. My dependent visa was approved with no further due.
Finally, my kids and I joined my husband. In ten days, I woke up to the news, “Your work visa is approved.” I joined work the same day.
Everything was returned to me the way it was except one: ME!
I will never be the same person again! I have grown thousand times braver than before and more resilient than ever!
I admit, there were times I felt appalled and rejected. I experienced hatred and anger. I did imagine the unknown fear eating me in full. Those brief moments were also a reminder about the tough game I played. The weakest moments revealed the warrior in me!
The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places -Ernest Hemingway.
The answers I found in my darkest moments
Where does the happy one get his confidence from?
The happy one has a positive outlook that enables her to see the good in everything.
She is confident because she knows her self-worth. She believes in herself and her values. Her truth is reflected in her actions. Her thoughts and action are always in sync letting her be authentic at all times.
Staying positive doesn’t mean everything will turn out ok. Rather, it is knowing you will be ok, no matter how things turn out to be -Unknown.
How dare she challenge fate to bring the worst?
The happy one is in control of her life irrespective of her situation.
Her positive mind is filled with hope. Her unshakeable hope drives her to take the road less travelled. She fights against all the odds for what she believes! It gives her the courage to challenge fate!
You are always free to change your mind and choose a different future, or a different past -Richard Bach.
What makes her feel so secure from within?
The happy one lives for today. She is well aware, even heaven has no control over the past. And she cares less about the future.
She chooses to live NOW with no regrets.
She feels the most secure because her confidence, hope, and courage spring from her positivity with no bounds!
When success is your only option, positivity has to be your only choice -Germany Kent.
The day I delivered my first child, I found out I was not an ordinary human.
For starters, that was the first time my body and mind will-fully worked against 15+ hours of hunger.
I risked my entire life when I went for that last push. I believed I witnessed my death.
Wait, not yet! Maybe, I lost my breath for a few seconds. But I kept my eyes closed for a bit longer. Because, remember, in my mind, I was already dead.
The brand new world waited for me to come back with a bang.
This time, I was reborn as a MOTHER!
When we saw our daughter for the first time, she looked pink like a rose with beautiful “grapes-like” eyes. It felt like “Flowers and Fruits wrapped in a blanket” and handed over to us to nurture it for our lifetime.
The miracle was all ours to keep and cherish forever.
We were “The Chosen ones.”
Little did I know then, my life had already changed forever along with my body, mind and soul.
The Chosen ones
You’ve been chosen, and you must therefore use such strength and heart and wits, as you have -J.R.R. Tolkien.
My childhood dream to become a great mom was shattered when I became a mother.
The reality hit me hard on my face:There is no such thing as “great mom.” Every Mom is great! So now, stop dreaming and start behaving like one.
It was easy for my visionary mind to figure that there are only two sides to the parenting coin: Purpose and Perfection. And they cannot co-exist.
I chose purpose over perfection naturally so that the fun side of living is not compromised at the cost of becoming a parent.
I opted to live without barriers, to create beautiful memories.
The world is different through the eyes of a parent
Of all the roles, playing mom is my most favourite. In this character, I am the one needed! And I am irreplaceable!
The main challenge of becoming a mom is that the world assumes you to operate and perform at a certain level. Right from day 1.
It didn’t take me long to realise embracing imperfection was the only way to enjoy my life as a parent.
The only golden rule to parenting is to accept we are players in the game too.
I love to play and learn alongside the kids every day using these simple strategies.
1. Create an unbreakable bond
The most important step in parenting is to build a beautiful bond of trust and love with kids.
To them, we are the perfect ones. What they see in us is what they will believe about us, life and everything else. For the rest of their lives!
They pick life lessons from our daily habits, everyday choices, lifestyle, priorities, and actions.
I cannot sip my third cup of coffee and tell my kid to avoid her juice. Instead, giving her the reason behind my addiction to coffee and letting her make the choice does wonders.
2. Admit mistakes
When I falter, I am ok to admit my mistakes to my daughter with a sincere apology. Although it takes a while for her to understand, she remembers to do the same in return.
It helps her feel NOT alone when she is at fault. She readily shares her insecurities with me when I tell mine first.
Showing her that life is about learning and not making the same mistake twice helps her be a responsible kid.
3. Earn respect
There is nothing disrespectful as demanding respect. In my case, I learned to respect my daughter’s choices by listening to her and giving options to her. Not by forcing my opinions on her.
Until my daughter was 5, she never wore the same pair of socks, and I deeply respected that 😉
Well, things changed when I showed her a clown wearing different socks. The smart one got the message 😎
Parenting is like breathing. We can’t pause for long. We need to be mindful to inhale and exhale every step of the way.
What is the best parenting advice you have been given? And how did it enable you to become a better parent?
It was my daughter’s 6th birthday party. My husband and I made the party arrangements all week. When we finished decorating the party hall in the unicorn theme, it was already 11 pm.
The following morning, I woke up and surprised myself by making my signature sandwiches to all the 30+ guests in addition to my husband’s southwest chipotle salad and Domino’s pizza. It was a brunch event.
The celebration began, and guests were coming in one by one. I was busy shaking hands, hugging, catching up, and conversing from where we last left.
Can you guess what mommies make best in addition to babies? Mommy jokes 😉
I was so in the moment having a ball when my husband interrupted to talk to me in private.
He said in a rather casual tone: “Hey, looks like everyone is having a great time. Can you please continue to entertain the guests while I take care of serving food, organising the stuff, and taking pictures? You know I can’t do the talks, and you are best at it.”
My mind interpreted: “Please be yourself and do what you do best. Do not stop having fun. The mundane tasks are all on me.”
Something clicked inside me. It was my moment of truth.
I felt amazed to be recognised for my inherent skills. To know that being myself was enough! Even to others.
You are enough. You are so enough, it is unbelievable how enough you are — Sierra Boggess.
The quest to find my passion revealed my wishlist
In the last few years, the recurring haunting question in my mind was: “How do I find my passion?”
The question inevitably branched out to several others like:
What can I do for the rest of my life without getting bored?
What can keep me in “my zone” and let the energy flow within me non-stop?
What do I naturally do well? What do people around me notice about me?
What keeps me awake at night?
What can I do for free because it is so important to me? What is the problem I want to solve for good?
My primary roadblock was not having an answer. But, having more than one to the questions above.
For starters, I applied the “Elimination” method to get rid of what I didn’t want in my life. To my surprise, this exercise also revealed my wishlist.
I can’t continue living in a foreign country. I yearned to go back home and live close to family.
I was afraid of becoming a victim of the monotonous routine. I wanted more vigour and zeal in my day-to-day living.
I couldn’t imagine working on my IT job until retirement. I wished to switch directions in my career and become my boss.
The thought of limiting my life to my family and friends shrunk my living potential. I wanted to give back a part of my heart and soul to the community, whatever I decided to do.
I figured I got stuck at the “Self Actualization” phase of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. where he points out, “What a man can be, he must be.”
If you plan on being anything less than you are capable of being, you will probably be unhappy all the days of your life -Abraham Maslow.
I wanted to unlock my fullest potential and live a life with greater meaning.
The Serendipity of my passion
Six months back, I started to read and write again on Medium. I shared my life experiences in words.
I was amazed how writing has the added advantage of expressing free-flowing thoughts with no interruptions.
Tell the story once and share it with everyone else in the world.
No wonder my love for talking has taken a back seat by my insatiable appetite to write.
Writing kicks me to my zone in no time, and I only find love everywhere I see.
There is no drop in my energy or enthusiasm in my need to bring life to the words in me.
The appreciation and comments, I receive on my stories keep me going. It helps me realise my potential to keep entertaining the readers with my unique ideas and perspectives through my true stories.
I feel immensely grateful to bring my natural ability to the spotlight.
It is fascinating to unlock the readers’ hearts and minds to new possibilities. Through my writing!
I am so blessed to have found my village of like-minded writer souls who support me wholeheartedly. There is no greater force than the power of community, I admit.
The story of My newsletter
My passion finally dawned on my sparkling mind in a dimly lit room as I wrote a guest post to the coffee times newsletter.
I wondered what-if I could create a weekly newsletter targeted to my specific audience. My whole heart lit up in an instant.
It was the answer to all my questions!
When you find your purpose, it is like your heart has been set alight with passion. You know it absolutely, without any doubt -Rhonda Byrne.
Writing to touch peoples’ lives with love, kindness, hope, and laughter will enable me to live a fulfilled life. And I can do it forever with nothing but intense joy and love.
I can never have enough of writing. It is the path I choose to give back to the world, a part of my heart and soul!
Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you -Oprah Winfrey.
What is your passion? How did you find it?
Please share it in the comments.
This post will be incomplete without the special mention of Coffee Challenge 3, which kickstarted my newsletter journey.
Although I knew it, I couldn’t do anything about it.
If I only had the power to fast forward and skip tomorrow, I wondered.
My sister interrupted my deep thinking mode asking, What’s wrong?
I said, “My name is going to be called out in front of the whole school tomorrow morning. My teacher is planning to award the five toppers of the class.”
She didn’t get it, shook her head: “So?”
I continued, “Well, I am in fifth place. I can’t imagine showing up in the assembly with such embarrassment. Anyway, who even cares about the 5th position?”
She laughed so hard. Is this all you have been thinking? Try this instead: “You are not the 5th. You are the first of the remaining 50 students.”
Now, that flip in the context was enough for a sixth-grader to look forward to the next day with excitement.
When the morning arrived, I waited eagerly for the moment. When it was my turn, the entire school cheered for me through the walk to the stage until I received the prize.
The principal was confused for a moment. She even reconfirmed the winners called were not in the descended ranking order.
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