What I Wish I Knew About Motherhood

April 25, 2025 / trickyqueen / Leave a comment

MOTHERHOOD

Things nobody tells us but every mom deserves to know

Baby with a diaper and big orange bow, lying on a basket surrounded by pumpkins. — Photo by Breanna Miller on Unsplash

I thought I knew what tired felt like. Then I became a mom.

Suddenly, my body was working overtime, feeding, healing, comforting, and producing, all at once, all the time, without any break.

To my surprise, it wasn’t falling apart but stepping up.

Motherhood didn’t just change my body. It redefined everything about me.

The Birth of a New Mom

It didn’t take me long to realize that I could function on loads of food and little to no sleep. My body could operate nonstop, all day, without complaint.

My husband, who watched me during labor, proudly tells everyone, “I can never unsee what I saw that day.” He means it as the highest form of love and respect for me.

After witnessing the wild, miraculous stunts my body performed to bring a tiny human into the world, I knew I shouldn’t take it for granted, too.

My body already had the kind of agility, endurance, and flexibility I never knew I had.

I felt superhuman.

Motherhood Under Constant Surveillance

The feeling of discovering my superpowers didn’t last long.

Maybe only in those initial few minutes.

In the hours, days, months that followed, life after birth felt like being on call 24/7, only without a paycheck or clock-out time.

My entire body has now become a life support for someone else.

No manual. No orientation. No real help. Only instincts, impossible expectations, and so many uninvited eyes watching me perform to perfection.

Soon, I learned that when a baby is born, the world assumes the baby knows nothing. But the mother? She’s expected to know everything from day one.

I’ll never forget the judgmental looks I got from nurses when I accidentally dozed off while feeding my baby. Or the head nurse, who caught me yawning during a vitals check and stared at me like I wasn’t fit to live.

I felt like the villain in some twisted horror movie, except the monster was postpartum exhaustion, and I was the one trying to claw my way out.

Sometimes, I wished mothers had a way to numb our emotions for days after delivery, just so we could shut off one system from constantly overworking.

Superhuman instincts. Endless energy. Milk on demand. Flawless timing. No room for mistakes. Welcome to motherhood.

And if I ever messed up, even once, someone was always there to point it out: body-shaming, mommy-shaming, or “helpful” advice wrapped in judgment.

The world sees a new mom at her most vulnerable and takes full advantage.

“She’s tired. She’s emotional. She won’t push back ” is the silent assumption.

The mother becomes the default target, even for mistakes made by the father.

While Mom gets all the blame, Dad receives applause.

People look at the new father like an eager puppy hanging its head out of a car window: cute, enthusiastic, doing the bare minimum, and still earning praise.

I even found myself arguing with my own mother over feeding. Every time the baby cried, she’d say, “Oh, she needs more milk,” and give me this look like I was on a mission to starve my own baby on purpose.

All while my body was still bleeding, hormones crashing, and sleep slowly disappearing from my body clock. And yet, I was expected to be the one composed, productive, and grateful.

No one tells us how isolating becoming a first-time mother can be.

No one warns us how loud the silence feels when the world expects us to carry it all with a smile and a “thank you.”

From Fear to Fire: How Motherhood Awakened Me

Newborn feet nestled within a heart shape created by mom and dad’s hands — Photo from Pixabay

Motherhood gave me fears I never imagined: some irrational, some primal, and some just overwhelming.

I feared other people’s judgment more than I feared failing as a mother.

What if the baby fell out of the crib? What if I missed a feeding? What if the onesie wasn’t buttoned right? Should I put on a hat or mittens? Too many questions on my mind made me feel like a loser, someone who lost her sanity by choice, feeling stupid around the clock.

Soon, at the extreme end of fear, I found fire.

I stopped listening to the world and started seeing us: me, my husband, and our baby. In that small circle, I saw beauty. The beautiful miracle we had woven with the strands of our destiny.

For the first time, I felt wholly grateful.

I realized I had become the source of unconditional love, beautiful pains, and limitless sacrifice.

I asked myself: What if these are my superpowers?

What if I could use them to go beyond survival to love, lead, and teach?

For the first time in a long time, I began to think again, not in fragments, but in vision. I didn’t want to stop here.

I wanted our child to grow up knowing life isn’t just about surviving hard things. It’s about learning to live, laugh, love, and rise, even when life knocks you sideways.

Now, I had a vision for myself.

More Than a Mom: Becoming Who She’ll Look Up to

Something became clear when I became a mother: I didn’t want to be identified as just “Mom.”

I wanted to be more than that for our child and myself. I wanted to be her guide, her example, her warrior.

I wanted her to look up to me when she was afraid to take that big leap and remember that I jumped first, head down, heart racing, because I was sure of where I was going.

When she felt alone, I wanted her to remember that I kept going, even in the darkest hours, because I believed in the light waiting at the end of the tunnel.

When she felt weak, I wanted her to know that I became strong through the pain, not despite it.

I wanted her to live with courage, dream without limits, speak up without apology, stand up for what’s right even if it is hard, walk through fire if she must, and know she will make it through.

If she ever wondered whether something is possible,

I wanted her to think of me and know it is.

I wanted her to know that “motherhood” did not stop me from becoming who I am. And that it was the best thing that ever happened to me. My greatest gift!

If you enjoyed this article, check out MagicBytes, where I write more honest, heart-centered reflections like this, exploring the messy, magical middle of life, womanhood, parenting, and self-worth.

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The Art of Letting Go

April 25, 2025 / trickyqueen / Leave a comment

LIFE LESSONS

before it breaks us

A girl wearing blue top and white skirt posing on the sea shore. — Image by inno kurnia from Pixabay

I couldn’t sleep that night. I was lying down with my eyes wide awake in the dark.

Out of nowhere, a mobile charger fell on top of my head with an electric spark. I immediately took my phone and texted my boss at work that I wouldn’t be coming to the office the next day.

It felt so good to find a reason not to go to work. It was a huge relief.
My brother, who watched the entire scene, asked me if I was okay. I told him how much I dreaded going to work and how disinterested I was in my current role. I asked him if there was a way out.

He casually answered, “The answer is in your question. Quit your job and find work elsewhere.”

For the first time in four years, I considered quitting my job an option. But I was terrified to make the move.

I had struggled enough to land my first job, and in the last four years, I had invested enough time and effort to deliver my best work. I wanted to stay longer, hoping to be rewarded big one day.

But my brother sowed the seed of quitting in my mind that night.

I continued to show up at work the following few weeks, and out of nowhere, one fine afternoon, my boss invited me to a conference room for a meeting.

I sincerely thought it was to discuss my promotion. Instead, my manager informed me they had to let me leave the account because they had budget issues.

I will never forget that confused look in front of the mirror. I was genuinely concerned about how to react to this situation. I felt helpless but, at the same time, not so desperate to hold on to my current job. Remember, I was finding reasons not to go to work.

Life has a weird way of pushing us forward, close to our dreams, by throwing surprising problems at us, always at the most appropriate time.

In exactly two weeks, I found a better job, better pay, and a better title. Even better, I flew to my favourite destination in the following month, where dreams started shaping into reality.

However, it wasn’t the only time I struggled with letting go.

A few years back, when my daughter was almost two, my body clock was ticking to plan for the second baby. But it was around time I had just finished my first half marathon.

I was unstoppable with my runs. There were days I showed up at the park and ran for hours, getting into my zone with the rhythm of my footsteps. I ran through the fog, rain, and sunny days.

One fine morning, I received a text from my friend about a “smoke alert” from the refinery in our neighbourhood. She cautioned me to keep the doors and windows of our home closed. I forwarded her text to my husband, who was home sleeping with the baby, and I continued with my run.

My dopamine-charged mind convinced me that even if something worse happened, I could still see it from the park and run home faster than the fire.

Now you know how madly I was in love with my runs. Every step counted. But I also had this urge to start working on the second pregnancy before it was too late.

So, one day, while talking to my best friend on the phone, I asked her how I would ever know if I was ready to have a second baby.
She said without a second thought, “You will never be ready. You just have to plan it.”

That day, I decided to give myself a couple more months before we started planning and finished my race.

A year later, I sat across my bedroom window with a newborn in my arms, staring at the mountains in my laptop wallpaper.

Sometimes, life forces our hands. Other times, we need to leap forward and take a call. Either way, letting go to move forward is an art, and the more we practice it, the more we master the art.

When Plans Break, Life Begins

April 24, 2025 / trickyqueen / Leave a comment

LIFE LESSONS

The best things in my life happened when my plans got canceled.

A cluster of apples hanging from the tree — Photo by Bozhin Karaivanov on Unsplash

When life knocked me down so hard, I got stuck in waves of anxiety.

I believed in coping with challenges by creating excess plans: plans A, B, or Z. You name it, I always had a draft ready.

Taking charge of my situation was my safety net, my only way out. But soon realized that life had planned something else for me.

Time and again, it threw in an unexpected surprise beyond my imagination and landed me where I belonged. But only after I had my share of learning lessons, disguised as challenges.

At the end of every long haul, I found myself in paradise.

Every twist and turn in my scheme was only a reminder from the universe to take a break and slow down.

I’ve now learned to pause, take a deep breath, and inhale the aroma of my dark roast. The tingling taste of fresh lime mint and the soft touch of wool cotton makes more sense now.

I am strong enough to look forward to life’s problems now with open arms.

This article is about what I did to make the shift in my mindset.

Perspective Matters

The way I view my obstacles solves half the challenge. The other half dissolves itself when it meets my inner strength.

I have learned to navigate challenging situations by actively seeking hidden meanings and recurring patterns.

I always look at the problem and wonder, “What is in it for me?”

Surprisingly, most of them started only because of my prayers.

Let me explain.

When I ask God for an apple, he doesn’t send an apple to my doorstep.

Instead, he delivers a custom-made complex life situation that makes me stay awake at odd hours, leave my comfort zone, make tough decisions, walk alone, cross mountains, and sail by the lake in the quiet night.

I finally became who I was meant to be while resolving the issue.

Years go by, and I might forget that I once prayed for an apple. I found out later that He had sowed the seed right away when I requested it. Yet He put the apple farm in my path only when I was ready to share the fruits of wisdom with everybody else.

I might only pray for what I want at that moment, but God’s plans are bigger than my imagination.

When I prayed for courage, He made me encounter my worst fears, presenting me with the most difficult times.

When I asked for love, He gave me heartbreaks before He brought the right person into my life.

When I sought His forgiveness, He put me on the spot to forgive my awful enemies.

Whenever I start tweaking how I look at my problems, the possibilities become endless.

My life experiences have conditioned me to only believe that when things don’t go my way, it is a sign that I am on the right path and that a higher power is in action.

The Power of Being Present

The only way, I have found to tackle any huge problem is to take one step at a time and be mindfully present in the moment.

To save my sanity from overthinking, I cook. Cooking is my meditation, just like playing with my kids, running outdoors, and lifting that heavy barbell that weighs more than my body weight. They help me focus on the moment as if my life depended on it.

I always try to find the space, things that loosen me up, where I lose track of time and connect with myself.

Walking through the woods and being outdoors does that to me. They make me feel small and grounded, proving that my problems are even smaller than I am.

Over 95% of what I worry about never happens, so I no longer bother about them. I have fun experiencing the magic in the present, focusing on what I already have. That is where gratitude comes in handy.

“Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.” –James Thurber.

Gratitude is Everything

Gratitude changes the entire scene.

If life is a black-and-white chessboard, gratitude is the lens that reveals the hidden colours.

Gratitude turns the black-and-white game of life into a beautiful masterpiece.

We don’t need a grand reason to be grateful. Being alive is good enough to say “thank you” and look for all the wonders around us.

Life becomes more meaningful when we start noticing the smallest details of moments that matter. Who, what, or which place makes us feel seen, heard, or accepted? Every one of them counts!

The beauty of gratefulness lies in the endless list it generates when we take notes of all things that profoundly touch our souls.

Life is too short for our worries to last long,

Too big for our heartfelt moments to stay forever.

Every day is a new beginning.

Another chance to show up, spread joy, and be fully present.

Final Thoughts

Life is nothing but a series of tiny miracles. All we need to do is to feel alive.

When man plans, God laughs. And it is ok to laugh with him.

What is meant for us will always find us. In the meantime, we can have fun recognising the pattern and finding the purpose behind our problems.

It also helps to track our answers in what we prayed for.

Our perfect presence is more rewarding than our bestest plans.

When we start saying “thank you,” we attract more things to be thankful for.

The most beautiful chapters of my life began when my plans fell apart.

Every detour was a signpost from a greater force, guiding me to where I truly belonged.

Ultimately, it was not the plan that mattered, but my transformation.

I’m built from all my broken plans that never panned out, and I wouldn’t change a thing about it.

Have you ever had a plan fall apart, only to realize it was leading you to something better? I’d love to hear your story. Please feel free to share it in the comments.

What Makes You Stand Out?

February 16, 2025February 16, 2025 / trickyqueen / Leave a comment

The room filled with applause directed towards me as everyone stood up.

The standing ovation lasted for a full twenty seconds.

The charm of that space captivated me, leaving me startled.

I captured the whole scene in my heart to keep it forever. Although my vanity wanted the moment to last a little longer.

I had just finished reading “Pete, The Cat: And His Four Groovy Buttons” to my daughter’s kindergarten class. It was my first book session at the school library as a parent volunteer. Something I was not too inclined to do, but I showed up anyway to tick off the super-mom’s checklist.

I had missed slots in the past due to delays on my end, and this time, I squeezed it in to fit my work schedule.

I was so glad and proud that I finally made it with a blast. Later that afternoon, as my daughter and I drove back home, I couldn’t stop smiling. The cheers still echoed in my ears. A mild grumbling voice from the back seat shook me back to the present. My hard-to-impress daughter commented, “It was only okay, Mommy. Not great.”

Nevertheless, I continued to show up to my favourite audience at every opportunity.

The joy on the kids’ faces hooked me in, making me want to do more of what I already did best. Only this time, my audience was different.

It marked the new beginning of my public storytelling sessions. I felt motivated to find new avenues to share my experiences with people of all ages.

Today, I am reminiscing about how not letting my 5-year-old’s raw comment stop me from doing what I enjoy made all the difference.

My wish for you today is to NOT stop because someone thinks you are not good enough. Keep doing what you love to do best, and everything else will follow.

Have a great day.

My perspective transformed my life

February 16, 2025February 16, 2025 / trickyqueen / Leave a comment

At the bustling airport, the piping hot tea slipped from my hand and landed on my thighs. At first, I was filled with dread. However, in a few minutes, I reflected on the situation. I began to realise that things could have been much worse. Settling into my seat comfortably, with a half-burned leg, I began to be thankful for all the alternatives that never happened.

What if I had slipped it on my kids instead of mine? How would it have been if one of my kids had been the reason behind this mishap? Would I have sulked as gently as I did now?

I was again thankful to skip a whole episode of such a guilt trip. The blessing in disguise was that everyone else did okay that night, except for the burning sensation on my right thigh. We reached home safe.

The best part about bitter situations is the unique advantages that accompany them. In these moments, I always remember to look for the silver lining, as it often waits for me to discover it.

I noticed this when I landed my first job after a year-long search. I worked there for four years, trying to fit into the mediocre work my supervisors assigned to me from day one. Although I was not happy, I was not sad either. I assumed anything good in life takes time.

As I held an emotional attachment towards the organisation, quitting my job was out of the question. Convincing myself to wait for the right time, I continued to deliver my best, yearning to be rewarded for the work that was tirelessly put in. The multiple appreciation emails received from the client and top leadership confirmed it.

One fine afternoon, my manager called me for a meeting. I was sure it was to announce my promotion. But my hopes shattered when he said to look for other openings in the organisation. He had to let me go due to the client’s budget constraints.

With the heavy blow to my career aspirations, I finally had a reason to quit and start looking for other jobs. I felt stupid for wasting my time and loyalty on a management that did not think twice about dropping me from this project.

In exactly one month, I got a new project in another company that involved building a team from scratch for a startup client working on a niche technology. My profile was a perfect fit as I had all the required domain knowledge and technical skills.

Fast forward to three weeks after my joining date, I was buckling my seatbelt in the Boeing plane. It was my time to fly to the dream destination of every software engineer: Silicon Valley.

In hindsight, the denied promotion in my first job was not the end but a new beginning. It led me to find a great opportunity. My career took off on its wings there. I discovered my strengths, leadership, and technical skills. I felt enthusiasm and love in my work for the first time.

I worked through the night some days and felt no pressure. I woke up early the next day to do what I enjoyed doing. Like yin and yang, my work and I fit together in perfect harmony. I felt elated to make a great impact on my project. It was one of the most beautiful experiences in my professional life.

Life often pushes us beyond our comfort zone. So, we dare to act, live up to our potential, and claim what we deserve.

I have learned that every difficult situation has only two sides: the good side and the best side. When things go my way, I know I got on the good side. But when they go any other way, I understand that it only happens for the best reason. Although it seems like an unfamiliar route at first, it is always the one that has taken me to where I belong.

Thanks to all the many ways of training, my brain never stops looking for the bright side.

The irony of life is that the paths to our dreams lie behind those closed doors. So, the next time you wonder why things are so different from what you expected, dare to look beyond the closed door. That is where the magic awaits.

Parenting Makes Life Simple and Easy

July 21, 2024 / trickyqueen / Leave a comment

Over the years, I’ve learned to focus on the problem at hand.

Toddler smashing his face on his birthday cake — Photo by Henley Design Studio on Unsplash

No love is as fierce as the one between a mother and her child!

Our bond is one of a kind, as we share unique traits that run in the bloodline.

I am amazed at how my ten year old daughter aligns her thoughts to fit any situation.

Her quick wits make me fall flat to the floor. I stay there grounded for a bit longer, as no time would be enough to watch that little wonder!

Following are some of the brutal conversations between me and my savage girl!

Disclaimer: Read it at your own risk.

The black hole:

It was a Sunday morning. I was sipping my second cup of coffee without any pressure at the dining table. My husband was busy making breakfast for the kids. I noticed my daughter’s gaze on me as she was enjoying her fresh French toast from her favourite parent. She leaned in, grasping my arm, and posed a stream of questions. I was already a bit high from the extra caffeine and responded to her without hesitation. Only later did I realize this was another custom trap she had set for me.

She asked me, “Mommy, what would you do if someone kidnapped me?”

Me: If that ever happened, I’ll never stop till I find you.

She: What if I were to disappear into the black hole?

Me: No matter where you are, I’ll come there to look for you.

She wondered, “What if no one can find me?”

I continued: Hey, remember, I’m the mommy. I’ll find you somehow.

She couldn’t hold back her laughter anymore. She said, “Mom, you can’t even make my breakfast on time. Dad’s the one making it. But you want to make me believe all these claims about you coming after me.”

The ingenious one:

After watching social media for a while, I decided to be a better parent. I promised myself to spend at least 20 minutes learning something from my little girl every week. When I told her, she was so excited to teach me. She immediately brought the colored sheets, pencils, and rulers.

My daughter has been making paper art for a while, self-teaching using YouTube videos. She has made many beautiful crafts. But today was my first time watching her do something without the tutorial.

We both decided to make a paper cupboard with drawers. Her instructions were simple and easy to follow. She showcased her skill with rapid finger movements. She shaped precise arcs with skilled fingers. I wondered how she even remembered the exact measurements of several such items.

At one point, I almost gave up and looked at her with pride, saying, “You know that you’re a genius, right?!”

Her answer once again blew my already scattered mind!

Mommy, I’m not a genius. You’re plain dumb.

Several weeks have passed, and we are yet to play again.

The Attention Seeker:

My daughter wanted us to notice her. She said, “Dad and Mom, as I am your only girl child, I see no reason why you wouldn’t do it for me.”

My husband set out to tease her this time and began, “Well, we need to tell you some news. You’re not our only daughter. You have a little sister.” And to keep the heat on, I added, “Yes, she goes to a boarding school in Hawaii.”

My daughter seemed to listen to us without blinking. My husband and I smirked at each other and continued. But, she stopped us, saying, “Well, I already have the DNA test done. The results are out. My brother and I are your only offspring.”

My husband and I stared at each other in disbelief. She finally got our attention at last!

The killer line:

In our family, the daughter and dad argue a lot over the silliest things. Recently, they had one such serious debate. The little kid, being the smartest one in the room, was aware that I am her only last resort. Here she comes running to me with tears in her eyes. She bursts out, “Mommy, though I don’t like you that much, you’re better than Dad.”

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Create Your Tiny Moments of Joy

March 29, 2024 / trickyqueen / Leave a comment

I’ve learned little things can make a big difference

My son and I were heading to his class on a Saturday evening. As we got closer to the horse stable en route, it was time for our silly game about how lucky we were to spot a horse that day.

Every day, at around 5 p.m., the stable guards take the horses across the road for feeding, temporarily blocking the road. If we are fortunate, our car will be the first to stop so we can get a closer look at those majestic beings. It is like arriving in the right place at around the right time.

We have been on this route for over two years and have yet to find a horse crossing the road before the stipulated time.

We started at least thirty minutes early from home on this particular day to tick the task off our checklist sooner than usual. From the moment I stepped in the car, I had an emotional concoction about various things in my life. It started with the never-ending to-do lists and my inability to feel enough as a mother.

Some days, running around in circles at the same spot with no fruition felt exhausting. No matter how hard I tried each day, the progress bar in my life kept blinking red, reminding me there were miles to climb before I slept.

I dissolved into my seat helplessly, feeling lost again in the monotonous routine.

As I decided to take a break from my downward spiral thoughts, I realized we were already closer to the horse stable. I gathered all my leftover energy and decided to keep the game going for fun. I broke the silence in the car to bet on a horse we may never spot that day.

Did I look crazy through my husband’s rational eyes? Maybe that was what his grin was about! But, I was determined to cut some slack for myself.

Also, we make wishes on what we don’t know yet, right?! So, I held on to that last piece of my broken hope.

As we approached the street, my restless head wandered side to side, careful enough not to miss any trace of my desire coming true. The longing eyes navigated through the half-opened gate of the stable, so prepared not to miss any chance!

Did I feel like a child desperately wishing for a rainbow to ride my unicorn?! You bet!

On the other hand, my husband drove unwaveringly, thoroughly convinced the entire scene was a waste of time! We were now almost at the end of the street, and there was no sign of a horse — no surprise!

It was funny; I was actually in denial. Even after the game ended, I did not stop looking around. I continued seeking through the car’s rear mirrors, turning and tossing around to avoid missing a glimpse.

As luck would have it, there was no traffic sign that day!

We continued to drive, an awkward silence filling all the empty spaces in the car. As we took a sharp left turn to merge onto the highway, I turned to my side and couldn’t believe what I saw! I rubbed my eyes to take another deep look, and yes, I was right the first time!

He was comfortably seated on his cart, casually holding on to the rope, swaying it up and down. Before I could finish scanning to see what was in front of the rope, my lips blurted out, pointing to my son: Look, there is our horse!

The sight of an elegant brown horse galloping in style was an absolute delight! We both had no clue then about its impact on the rest of my life!

The vision glued back the broken pieces of all my hopes in a heartbeat. It revived my gratitude, allowing me to look forward to the future without doubts or resentments but with confidence.

The moment reminded me of how beautiful life is in its uncertain ways. Even my smallest wish had a more significant influence on resuming my mountain of faith. I could feel someone watching over me to ensure I was not alone and my feelings were only transient.

It was flattering since I had never spotted a horse on the city highway in the last two decades. It was certainly not a strange coincidence but a well-orchestrated sign from the universe to cheer me up and keep going, no matter how hard the situation gets!

In hindsight, I know it was not me, but the horse found me.

The amazing truth about making wild wishes is that they are more likely to come true! And when they do, they are more than just a prayer answered. They are personalized messages with powerful meaning, exclusively sent for us in the most unexpected ways!

That day, I also understood that the most critical development in life happens while we dread waiting. Although we may not see or feel it, so much is happening in the background to enable us to ride smoothly to our destinations.

Since then, I have figured the right thing to do during the waiting time is to continue to experience the wonders of life, looking out for the most obvious signs:

Someone you randomly meet who uplifts your spirits and offers valuable insights.
The silent rain that shows up out of nowhere.
A blooming bud with a hidden message.
An out-of-the-blue gaze from a bird.

A random, unexpected act can profoundly change our lives as that horse did to mine.

When life feels murky, bleak, and hopeless — like we are back in the same old place where we started — when we feel overwhelmed, when everything becomes very hard, so slow, and super stagnant, like nothing is happening, that is when everything is happening!

All we need to do is turn off the logical mind and tune in to the incredible universe. Miracles unfold during the darkest times when we start to believe in the light we are about to see through our limitless minds.

Today, I hope you notice such signs waiting to transform your dreams into reality!

Have a lovely day!

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What Would You Do, Mommy?!

October 7, 2023 / trickyqueen / Leave a comment

Asked my 9 year old daughter with curiosity.

Alright, let’s play a game, I announced to my family.

My daughter quickly kickstarted the game: Mommy, would you rather take off your clothes in a mall for $1000 or take $100 for doing nothing?

I froze in my car seat. My heart skipped a few beats as my mind replayed the words “take off clothes” and “$1000” a million times in those 30 seconds.

“Mom!!” she shrugged my right shoulder from the back seat.

Trying hard to keep my cool, I adjusted my voice, hiding the traces of shock on my face. Without turning back, I responded, “Ah yes, I would just take that $100”.

Wow, what a predictable response!! I guess my creative mind disappeared into thy parent hat!!

She continued with a winning smile[like she already knew what I would choose], “Mom, you know, you could have easily won $1000 by taking off your clothes inside one of those trial rooms in the mall”.

I couldn’t help but laugh. With a sigh of relief, dropping all that tension I was holding back, I said, “Ah, that’s smart. But how would you prove that to the person who bet on you?”

I saw her thinking horns becoming big as she raised her eyebrows with confused eyes.

My husband shook his head in disapproval as he understood my game plan from across the driver’s seat.

It was the moment of truth. The curious girl was waiting to absorb anything I said like a sponge.

Do you know something better than being smart? It is being right!! I declared. She listened without blinking her eyes.

In situations like this, losing the bet is the right thing to do! I concluded.

But how would I know what is right? She wanted to clarify further. If you were me, what would you do, Mommy?

That’s simple. I would ask myself, what should I do? And then there is this part of me that would…“Oh, I know…the devil and the angel side”, she interrupted.

Yes, that’s right!! Always listen to the angel side of you! She will only let you do the right thing! I finished off the beautiful conversation that made my day!!!

My favourite part of parenting is imparting wisdom to kids when they ask us the most surprising questions.

The truth we plant in them today will help them flourish and prosper, even when we are no longer around to watch them!

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You Deserve What You Want

September 21, 2023 / trickyqueen / Leave a comment

Because you are worth it!

The best moments in life happen to us during the most ordinary days!

On this beautiful day, my husband and I were out for a long drive around the beautiful hills of Palos Verdes in the city of Los Angeles.

He stopped at the Starbucks drive-through on our way and meticulously ordered what I would want for that weather and time of the day. His predictions far outweighed any AI’s precision.

As he handed over my coffee, he played my favorite number from the playlist and continued driving. His impeccable charm took my heart to the doors of heaven to thank my aligned stars. I told him in a quiet voice that I was so lucky to have him. Thanks to coffee for always bringing out my best side!

His response to my comment rather surprised me. He said, oh, Not a big deal. You have always been good at telling me what you like and don’t. You have no idea how much that spares my energy from trying to gauge your mind. I know what makes you happy or sad in a heartbeat.

That was an interesting perspective. It reminded me of all the times I had been specific about my needs and wants.

This one time, when we were newly married, we had our first rough argument while driving back home from a beautiful-until-that-moment long ride. I tried to hide my rolling tears by moving my head away from him as he planted his eyes firmly on the steering wheel. He suddenly pulled over the car at Starbucks and made a smart move by ordering something for me without asking me, like how husbands try to impress you with their choices.

A few moments later, a warm banana walnut bread with white chocolate mocha found its way to my table with him. I remember telling him in an anguished tone: At this moment, I only want a chai tea latte, extra hot. As I sipped some tea, I told him: Next time we fight, never buy me this banana walnut thing. It is only going to worsen my feelings for you!

Bingo! I was spot on, with not just the specifics but have articulated the consequences so well, too.

I have always been very vocal about what I want and have appreciated the outcome when I got it the way I like it!

At work, I always worked so hard, going out of my way to accomplish things that were not even part of my responsibilities. I craved to be noticed for my initiatives. I always planned for the right moment to ask for a raise or growth opportunities. That is when my Boss saw how well I had done. Unfortunately, that moment never came.

Instead of beating around the bush, when I proactively communicated to my manager that I wanted a raise or promotion, I got them instantly!

When I grew impatient with my best friends about how little they were available to me when I wanted to talk to them the most and how I was outgrowing our friendship due to our lack of common interests, the tables turned overnight.

I could recollect hundreds of such instances from the past, but to keep the long story short, Ask for what you want, and you will get it from the one who truly cares! If not, at least you will know the answer: That someone is not worth your time!

Amazingly, the more I am honest with others about myself, the more I fall in love with myself and those who value my interests, likes, and dislikes.

To clarify further, it is not selfish to put yourself first. The only way to truly love and care for someone else is to respect their time by letting them do what is more meaningful to you both.

I find it more impressive now when my husband, friends, family, colleagues, or strangers tell me what they want from me without inhibitions. Since they know I understand the language of authenticity so well, they are genuine with me and share all the good, bad, and the ugly. This elevates our bond and creates long-lasting, beautiful relationships.

The next time you want something, ask for it! You deserve it!

My wish for you today: May you always have the guts to speak for yourself and ask for what you want! You are worth it!

Life is too short to be wasted during the wait! Just ask!!

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Read this inspiring story from Dr. Preeti Singh that I truly enjoyed:

View at Medium.com

Here is another one from Vidya Sury, Collecting Smiles who never stops to amuse me.

View at Medium.com

Ten things you don’t know about me

April 4, 2022 / trickyqueen / Leave a comment

Yet!

I love prompts like this that make me smile as I write. In other words, my love for self awaits an opportunity always to spill all over the screen! 🤪
I chose home birth to get out and see the world. The nurse who came home to deliver me refused to get paid. Ever since my Dad jokingly calls me “the free kid.” 😆
I got lost in second grade walking over to the next neighbourhood town, losing my way back home. I interrogated the police officer, who found me, to confirm my father’s name and address before I hopped on his bike. He told my parents: You don’t ever have to worry about this one! And they never did 😉
I recall shaving my head at least 5 times up until middle school. I never gave importance to how I looked. Instead, I focused on how I felt. I take happiness very seriously!! The most beautiful people I’ve ever met in my life are the bravest, strongest, and wittiest ( of course, I am on the list too).🥰
I grew up playing a lot of sports. I attribute the best traits in me to my love of games. I learned so much about life only through play. I never exerted as much energy on my studies, although I aced them equally 🥳
I participated in all recreational events at my school like Speech, drawing, writing, dance, singing, and sports. I never once played to win! To me, it was always about showing up and giving my best! I ended up owning a bunch of winner certificates too! 😬
I love all shades of orange! The world would be less colourful without pumpkins. Don’t you think?! 😎
I am a chocoholic. The power of chocolate is so under-estimated. Every chapter of my life has only two episodes: “before” and “after” Chocolate 💗
I derive my hope and faith from the abundance in nature. Nothing makes me feel instantly at peace than the gushing waterfalls, the rushing waves, the silent streams, and the soothing rivers. Yes, I am a water body too 🤪
The best life decision I ever made was marrying my husband by going against all the odds. After 2 awesome kids, I am still able to live the life of my dreams pursuing my passions only because he got my back! 😇

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